Where did you get a picture of my penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
