So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
