I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
