Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do herpes really smell.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
