On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My life is pants optional.
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