it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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