She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
