I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
