drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
