i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
