Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
