So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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