I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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