glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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