I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
