And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
