I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
