oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
