You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
