Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
