need another drink. this is the easiest way
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
