can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
