dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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