just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize