new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
