i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Let the clothes fall where they may.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
