Tell her she can't have a vagina
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
