I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
