We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he fucked my hip out of place.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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