Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
