listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am available for nakedness
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
