Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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