You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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