Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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