Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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