well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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