i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
