Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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