The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Say something about gay babies.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drunk is not a location!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
