I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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