he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
