Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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