i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
