I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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