We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
