If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
