clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
