i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
