theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
