your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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