I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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