I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
