i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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