Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
