Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
