Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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