How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
