i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
