just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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