Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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