Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
