in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
