Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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