If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
