Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
