somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love having hate sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
