You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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