i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
