Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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