alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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