U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
