I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mom said you looked used
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
