what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
