im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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