He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
