im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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