1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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