The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wow bdsm is so cute
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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