Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
