u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The best revenge is premature balding
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
