I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
