as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
