Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
