well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
