Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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