im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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