Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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