Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
