Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
