I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize