i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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