My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
