guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize