He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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