The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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