Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pants are for mortals
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize