when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
