i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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