were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
