I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
