You can't special order awesome
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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