That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
