dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my poor anus
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
