My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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