I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
