Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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