Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
