he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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