Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
