my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
