I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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