i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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