remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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