I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
