So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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