i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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