Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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